Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
