well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
