I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
