I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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