Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
