Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
