Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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