my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
