She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
