I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
BRING THE BAGELS
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
