Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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