the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
