and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
