I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
