Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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