didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
