the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
