they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
