Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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