hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
