I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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