Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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