Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
