Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
