the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
