I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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