hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I enjoy the company of your penis
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
