the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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