I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
