Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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