in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
