My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
