eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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