hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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