This girl is more easily done than said...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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