Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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