my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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