I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Ladies don't puke and tell
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
