We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
