Sponge bath it is.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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