i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
