ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Vodka?
Forever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
