I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
