dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
