$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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