the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
