I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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