I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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