I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
