She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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