im six kinds of drunk right now
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
