Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
