I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
