Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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