There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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