She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
