if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
