Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
