The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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