I look better un-naked...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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