his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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