we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
