I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
